Reasons
by piper maru duchovny
Summary: Sometimes you just have to believe that life and sadness isn't just random happenstance but that there is a reason for every action and inaction. - Adam/Lindsay. Established AU. Love Like Crazy verse.


**Because Rachel asked. **

**DISCLAIMER: I stake no claim to anything remotely recognizable and intend to make NO profit from this endeavor. **

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_To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven.  
_-Ecclesiastes 3:1 [KJV]

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Shower dampened curls curtain her eyes, puffy and swollen from too many tears, as she sips at her hot cocoa with feet pulled under her like a sullen teenager. He watches her from the hallway for a second; he can feel the sadness radiating off her in waves and knows there is an equal pain pulsating from himself. Their hearts are broken for a loss that is not their own, at least not entirely. They weep for someone who will never have a chance to grow, to be, to become a person that the world would benefit from. It's a debilitating feeling; the way they can feel the hurt so deeply and be so unable to change anything, to fix it. He knows there is nothing that he can do to make this better for them but he knows that he can help her. Quietly, Adam pads across the room and takes his spot on the couch next to her as his hand sneaks out to play with a wild curl. "It's okay to cry, Lindsay."

"I know that." Her voice is soft, thick with emotion and breaking his heart with every syllable. He will never quite understand the connection that his wife shares with her best friend but he knows it is deep and that Lindsay can feel the pain straight to her bones. "It's just so unfair. We get to be happy and they're just... they get dealt this unfathomable pain when they've already had their share."

He leans in and kisses her temple softly. "I know."

"And I know that the world can't stop turning because of this and that I can't stop living my life because she's in pain but it feels like I should be able to." Lindsay sighs softly and runs a hand through her tangling hair. "She lost her baby, Adam. Austin and Danny lost their baby."

The news had been bestowed upon them earlier that day; the Messers had gone to the doctor for an exam just to find that the child they had grown to love was no longer there. Austin had been unable to speak, Danny barely finding the words to tell them. Lindsay had wanted to rush to her best friend's side but resisted, knowing that she needed the day to be swallowed by her grief, to revel in it, to dwell on it before she could overcome. She'd promised Danny that she would be over the following day once they'd had some time to process.

"We're having a baby and our best friends just lost theirs." Lindsay sniffled as a whole new round of tears began to fall, her fingers brushing over her lower abdomen. "Is it wrong that I'm scared for myself, for this baby? That if something like this can happen to Austin then it can happen to me too?"

"It's not wrong, sweetheart." Adam wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into his embrace and kissing the crown of her head as his hand joined hers on her stomach. "It's perfectly natural to be afraid and it's alright to grieve for Austin and Danny's loss. Just remember that where there is bad, there is also good."

"Do you think that all of this serves some grand purpose?"

"Maybe." Adam sighs and traces his thumb under her diaphragm. "I'd like to think so. That there's some grand master plan to this, a reason to the bad things in the universe. Do you think there is? A purpose for all the bad stuff?"

"I think that there has to be. That God wouldn't bestow the bad if he didn't have a plan to bring about the good." She finds his fingers and interlaces them with her own as she relaxes against him. "When the girls died... I almost drowned in all of it. But if it hadn't happened then I might not be here. You know in the movies when they talk about going back in time? How you can't change one single thing because it could affect the entire course of the universe? I think that's true. Losing the girls almost killed me but it brought me here, to you. And this is where I belong, the moment I belong in."

He nods, his chin rubbing against her shoulder before he ducks to kiss her neck. "Then that's what you hold onto. That belief that there is some reason for Austin and Danny's pain."

Lindsay turns her head, kissing the inside of his elbow and resting her lips there. "Mmm. I think you missed your calling as a therapist, dear."

"I think Freud would turn in his grave," he replied.

"Probably so." Lindsay turned in his embrace and offered him a sad smile. "I just want everything to be okay again. I want this baby to come into a world full of love. A world that includes the baby's Uncle Danny and Aunt Austin."

"Give them time," he reassured her. "They'll be okay and this baby will be the most beloved child ever."

"I'm going to hold you to that, mister." This time Lindsay's smile met her eyes. "Will you go get me some more cereal?"

"You finished off the last box? When?"

Lindsay shrugged. "While you were in the shower."

"Alright then." He stood and made for the door, grabbing his keys on the way. "I wonder what happened along the way for me to get stuck with cereal run duty..."

Lindsay rolled her eyes and called after him, "All the times you put the box back with less than a bowl's worth."

"Love you too."

She grinned, happy for a moment. "We love you. And want Fruity Pebbles."


End file.
